Parents Retreat - Talking to Your Teens about sex and abstinence

What to Talk AboutYour PastRefusal SkillsWays to Say No

What to Talk About

You should always be available to talk with your teens. Don’t let your busy schedule get in the way.
Ask your teen open ended questions such as “What did you do today?” By doing this you can obtain information on their views and opinions about school, friends, movies, etc. Allow them to tell you what’s going on and how they feel, then tell them your concerns and advice.
Encourage your teen to set goals for themselves, not only long-term but also short-term, such as what they would like to accomplish by next year.
Show them how to make healthy decisions by being an example.
Give your teen the guidance and skills necessary to live healthy and be an example for their children when they get older and start a family of their own.

Your Past

If you are hiding any skeletons in your closet about your past as a teen, don’t let it discourage you from encouraging your teens to make better, healthier decisions than you did. Many parents today began their sex lives as teens but were unaware of all of the consequences at that time. But today we now know more about STDs and the consequences that sex can cause at such an early age.

Help your teen develop refusal skills

Always get to know your teen’s friends and what they are doing. There will not always be a chaperone around to make sure everything is in order, so you need to teach your teen the proper way to say no in case he/she gets into an uncomfortable situation. Explain to them that peer pressure is tough and that you have been in the same situation, but encourage them to make the smart choice by saying no and remaining abstinent not only from sexual activity, but also other risky behaviors such as drinking or smoking.

Ways to Say No May Include:

Be firm in your decision, don’t use terms such as “maybe” or “later” stand your ground and say what you mean and mean what you say.
State that sex is not part of your game plan right now and that you are going to wait until marriage.
There is always a way to change the topic. If something comes up and you are uncomfortable talking about it, find a way to change the topic. Begin to talk about the movie you saw last night or something about the weather, etc.
Last but not least Just Leave. If you can’t seem to convince the opposing person that now is not the right time always use an exit plan. In other words, get up and get away immediately to keep yourself out of trouble and healthy.

: Parents : Talking